sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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