Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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