that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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