the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
