dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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