I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
