I'm laying in your front yard are you home
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
