Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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