I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
