that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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