i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
