im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
