i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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