he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
