I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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