if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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