The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
