I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just want nice things and good sex
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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