We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
