So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She bit a glass in half.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
