I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
