I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
