I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
