it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
