i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize