She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
