David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
