The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize