Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
