Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Randomize
