As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
well, you know. whores of a feather.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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