They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
