A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My vagina just recognized that song.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
