and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
