It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
