I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
