guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
