they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
