I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
