mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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