If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
