from now on my penis is your penis
it was like eating out sand paper
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
