I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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