Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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