that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
