I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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