:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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