somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
