I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
