Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
