"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
