it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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