doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
