Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
