I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
