i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize