im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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