i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
