You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
