apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
