Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Verdict: uncircumcised.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
