just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
