Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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