I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
