best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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