How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
