we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
