Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
its not stalking. its research.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
