u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
