You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
