Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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