my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
