Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
